When I read Tara Mohr’s April 24th blog post about seeing older women at her Sunday morning dance class, I was a bit insulted. Tara wrote, “One of the most remarkable things about this particular gathering is that there are a lot of older women there – women in their sixties, seventies, even a few in their eighties.” Really? She thought it was remarkable that older women would be in her class. Where do you think we are, Tara, home in our rocking chairs? Knowing Tara through her blog, I didn’t really think she meant it in a derogatory way, but to me, an “older” woman of sixty and a grandmother seven times over, I still felt a little sad. Did she really see us as “the others”?
I continued reading to see where this was going.
“I realized, dancing with them, how deprived I was of seeing older women’s faces. After all, in the many images I encounter everyday on TV, billboards, magazines, web ads, pinterest pics, you rarely see a real older woman’s face. Wrinkled, radiant, and healing to behold. Beautiful in the way we forgot was beauty.”
Tara, where do you live? We are everywhere. We are the baby boomer generation after all. I had always heard that older women become invisible. Maybe we really are. But as I said, I know Tara. I know she didn’t intend to sound this way. She was celebrating us, promoting us. “Moving with them, looking into their eyes, beholding them was profoundly healing for me.”
I write my Grandmother Power post today in support of Tara’s initiative to get women talking about Grandmother Power. I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking about what I wanted to say. It came to me last night –
you are not yet us, but we are still you.
I want to talk to all the younger women who see us as “old.” What you are actually seeing is an old or more appropriately, older, body. Inside every older body is a woman just like you. Our bodies may age, but we don’t age.
I walk around town, teach at major art/craft events, speak on stages around the world. Unless I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, in my mind’s eye, I am still the teenager that married my high-school sweetheart, the young mother giving birth to six children, the 40-something who finally found her voice and found the time to get it out into the world.
My hair turned white when I was in my 40s. At the time I thought it was cool. I still do. I know I still turn heads. My hair may be white and I may have seven granddaughters, but my mind, my spirit is still around 30-something.
I have four daughters ages 18-34 (now ages 27-43 and two daughters-in law. Some of my best friends are in their 40s. They do not see me as old because they know my spirit is young. But I know that is not always the case.
Last month I taught a class at Art & Soul, a national art retreat. There was a 42 year old woman in my class. At the end of class she said that all of her friends had teased her for signing up for my class because it was going to be “a bunch of old women sitting around talking about their stories.” She couldn’t wait to tell them how wrong they were. She got exactly what she needed and wanted from the class and learned that we all share the same worries, fears, dream and passion. Age is NOT a factor.
I know many younger women see older women as “less than” or no longer vital. Yet we are actually just like you. We are you. We have lived out our 20s, our 30s, our 40s and 50s. We did not pass through them, they are a part of us. These years of life experience made us who we are today. We are still you, but you, not having lived all these years, are not yet us.
And therein lies our power. It is this maturity and wisdom that is the source of our grandmother power. We are still you, but you, not having lived all these years, are not yet us. Older women are no longer trying to be. We just are (and a lot happier because of it). The gift of age, the power, and the magic even, lies in this earned wisdom. It is this wisdom that leads us to do for others. We not only have the time and energy, but we have the passion and dedication to making this world a better place. Grandmother power can be as intimate as one grandmother encouraging her granddaughter who, “can’t stop arting,” to a tribe of grandmothers like these women creating large scale initiatives and change around the world.
Writing this, I was unsure if I was getting my point across. I ran it by my 24 year old daughter and got a nod of approval. If you are not yet an older woman and still don’t quite understand what I am trying to say let me sum it up with this request. Get to know an older woman, a grandmother. Don’t think of us as other. Get to know her so well that you see that she is you. Age is just a state of mind. Our bodies may show signs of age, but inside every one of us lies an ageless soul. Gertrude Stein said it best, “We are always the same age inside.”
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AMEN, Leslie! My sentiments exactly! I’m tired of being invisible! Many of my friends are in their 70s and 80s and I don’t consider them “older” we have so much loud and rowdy art fun together, they are vital and sassy and they ROCK! I’m “only” in my 50s, but have been invisible for a few years and have accepted it. NO more! I’m going to be my loud and funny and loving and teasing, giving self! Look out!
SHeila
Thanks for this Lesley. When I turned 70 last August i felt drained suddenly my world hit me with a reality that even though i never though I was old the world saw me that way. My hair is restored to it long lost fabulous color and I don’t give a dam if that is crazy. I no longer wear bight orange acrylic nails. I got into inks! and after natures rebuffs i have no balance and an awkward walk but I LIVE. At the crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridges a young woman INSISTED I danced with her. What a boost and a feeling of redemption. Watch out young women who look at us unkindly; many of you are boring followers of celebrity generated junk lifestyles, shallow and phony. we know as we have been lucky to challenge that mode. So when you see an older orange haired woman wearing a hat that looks like a prop from a french theater company and chunky shoes, she is loving life every single blooming day! Are you?
Hi Lesley, Your post really, really resonated with me and it is just what I needed to read today.
I will be 58 in a few weeks and I felt as if I was becoming invisible with each passing day, but it’s not because of my age…
As an artist I have been driving myself at super speeds this past year teaching and developing a product and lately, I have hit a brick wall creatively. I feel I just ran out of steam and I was thinking it was my age but in my heart and mind I am still a 27 year old!
Sometimes, I just need to fill the vessel and reach out for inspiration and your post put things in perspective for me.
Thank you so much for writing this and if you don’t mind, I would like to pass it on.
Karen
Brilliant! thank you! and I still feel 27 even though I am way past that…
I love this post Lesley! True, so true – every single word of it. As a 52 year old, I have the spirit of a 32 year old (or younger). I am sitting here feeling so thankful that you wrote this…good for you soul sista!
Thanks, Carol. Yeah! Soul sista.
Love the blog post, Lesley. My boyfriend loves older women with long white hair… as well as older women with red hair ;] I told him about your beautiful hair and he wishes he had come to Art & Soul to see you! Hope you are enjoying life and art! ~Hobby
Next time, Hobby! One day you too will be an older woman with long white hair. Something to look forward to, lol.
I love the title of this post, it speaks volumes. I am a mother, not yet a grandmother, and am only 43. My hair is mostly white (started at 20) and I am always asked how long my daughter is visiting me, as though she were my grand-daughter. People are taken aback when I say thank you if they tease me I’m getting old. Old to me connotes used up and we are far from that. I have always looked at it as I am “ascending” into Crone, not as a descent. I am aging like fine wine and I have a great respect for the beauty of age.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/renmeleon/3180970767/in/set-313500
My grandmother was 103 when she passed. She was feisty, precious, and I hope to be as lucky. At 102, she could still shark you at poker with a twinkle in her eye. My mother is 78, a grandmother by way of my daughter, still working, and can do anything she puts her mind to. I don’t look at her as “old”, never have. “Deliciously vintage” is a better term I think.
Deliciously vintage! Love that. And I love getting old(er) too.
Very powerful……..I see someof these attitudes in nursing…rather sad…
.. none the less. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!
I love the way you explain this. Many years ago my wise aunt told me that we don’t change inside as we age, just outside. Now that I’m racing through my 50’s I really wish more people understood this. The life force is strong in so many women, no matter what our age. And the fact that younger women don’t see us, in spite of the fact that there are gazillions of us out there (like you said, Boomers) is weird. Maybe a kind of denial? Tonight I was in a cafe and ages ranged from 20-something to 70-something.
Anyway, love your spirit and energy and glad to have landed here. Btw, your youtube video is a hoot!
Lesley, Thank you for this great post! Your statement, ” You are not yet us, but we are still you” perfectly describes the innermost feeling I think most “older” women feel. It is easy to feel invisible because of the bombardment of youthful images everywhere while superficial physical qualities are glorified. It requires more work for one’s inner qualities to be recognized and acknowledged. If only we had the insight earned from aging to apply when we were young! I think we are right in feeling empowered by all the skills and life’s perspective we have gained from our years of living and experience despite the wrinkles we see when we look in the mirror. Thanks again!
My grandmother always told me that she still felt like a 16 year old inside. I knew she acted young (but was wise too) but I never quite understood her until I reached my 40’s and now 50. I look at 20 somethings and realize they look and think about me the way I used to think about my grandmother (she was a very young grandmother in years despite the white hair and false teeth) and I want to apologize to Grandma for thinking of her as old. The body is but a shell that ages and dies but the spirit inside remains young and vibrant! (well most of the time anyway!)
I have been a grandma for 23 months … at first I felt disconnected to this new ‘role’. I had no idea what it was I should be feeling or how it was I should be acting. I am 56 and in no way, shape or form feel like a grandmother. At least not what I percieve a grandmother to be. My maternal gramma wore an apron (all of the time) and the other gramma was always sitting in her rocking chair. Pioneer women, both of them. They lived hard but rewarding lives. Literally ‘old’ at age 60.
Now that I’ve had some time to adjust to my new ‘role’ and have had another precious granddaughter added to our family I can’t imagine ever not being a gramma. I fall in love over and over … everytime I see those little faces and that spark of recognition lights those beautiful blue eyes when they see me. I raised my children as a single mom for a long time and I was always a parent first and a friend second. I have given myself permission to be a friend first and a gramma second with my granddaughers and I can’t wait to start building that friendship.
I am so glad to hear that other grandmother’s out there aren’t feeling their number age. I have been struggling lately with the fact that the days whizz by and it takes me much longer to accomplish what I used to do in half the time but, I have also realized that the time that whizz’s by is still just time. It’s up to me to utilize and appreciate it.
Thank you Lesley for bringing this subject to light. Yay for all the gram’s out there who aren’t getting old … just getting better.
Wow, what a great post! I think it’s just part of youth that a person doesn’t really think they will ever get old. Or that it is way, way off in the future. A person doesn’t have a clue how fast those years fly by and you wake up one day and are startled by the face looking back at you in the mirror. You are so right that we still feel the same inside and think of ourselves in the same way.
Dear Lesley,
As so often happens you spoke my mind. I shared your article on my facebook page. There are so many people who need to read it. Thank you. As always I love you and what you do. Judy
Thank you very much for expressing this universal truth so eloquently Lesley! The word definitely needs to get out there!!!
oxo
Loved this post. Boy does it speak to me. I still consider myself in my 30’s (great years) until I look in the mirror. As Sharon said, the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s went by in a blur. Always busy, always engaged in what ever was going on. In addition to all the above, I am now older, no longer interesting to younger people and since my children are grown and grandchildren live far away, I find myself without a purpose. I was happiest when I had a goal and was working toward it. Now, I can’t even think of something to work toward. I need to have a think about “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” I am who I wanted to be, now what.
What makes your heart sing, Shari? I am sure there is a place where your talents can fulfill others needs and in return, fulfill you.
Thanks for joining the conversation.
Great post! There’s a book idea in this somewhere….
I turned 60 this month and have proclaimed a 5 year plan for my “rewirement” – I’m not calling it retirement. I just know that there’s so much more out there for me to be doing, sharing, being.
I like your phrase, too. I was borrowing the words from the Byrd’s lyrics: “I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.” but I think I like yours better. Can I use it on my blog?
Amen, sistah!
Sharon (aka ArtL8dY)
For sure you can use it on your blog, Sharon. Let’s keep the conversation going.
I love retirement. I love the Byrds song too. Both wise and wonderful.
I’m 54, no grandchildren, 4 children none married or in relationships, my eldest is a Ph.D. student, my youngest is in high school. I feel I’m getting older; when I see photos of myself, I see an “older woman.” Childhood lasted a long time, but young adulthood and parenthood went by in a flash. I wonder where the time went and what I accomplished in those years. I was on the fast track to fabulous when I married and started having kids. I remember being very, very busy, always looking forward to this or that milestone of my kids. My accomplishments were set aside, locked away, not as important as all my busy-ness. I hope I can pick up where I left off, but this time, live each day of my life, dream dreams, make real goals and follow through to regain my confidence and my competence.
Sharon, at 54 you’re still a spring chicken. I know what you mean. I see an old woman when I look too, but there’s also this disconnect and an element of surprise – that’s not ME! You are I are ageless. You can definitely pick-up where you left off. Another fabulous quote, “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” by Ms George Eliot.